“Come Closer”

3.7 0
4 min

I’d actually seen him on our way home from school. He looked dirty and disturbed, and stared straight at us as our bus went by. We even made jokes about him, probably as our way of pretending we weren’t afraid. He was incredibly out of place in our middle class suburb, so his mere presence felt threatening… thus our panic when the three of us got off at our stop and saw him at the corner, about to look in our direction.

He was between us and our houses, and the bus had already pulled away, so we bolted for the bushes of a nearby yard. We weren’t sure if he had seen us, but we peered through the leaves and saw him stalking our way, muttering randomly. Tim, my neighbor, insisted that he’d seen a large knife in the man’s ragged clothing. Danny, a kid I hardly knew who had just moved into the neighborhood, insisted that he was imagining it – that Tim’s glasses must have reflected the sun wrong or something. Still, we were terrified, and the sidewalk was going to bring him right by us.

It was Tim that broke and ran first, keeping low. I followed, my heart pounding, as we dove into the darkness underneath the porch of the unfamiliar house we’d been hiding near. As we squeezed our bodies against the dirt, the grimy wood pressed into our backs, barely giving us enough room to breathe. From our hiding place, we could see the disturbed man turn into the yard in front of us and begin searching around, hitting the bushes and muttering angrily.

I realized then that Danny wasn’t with us, but I hadn’t seen where he’d gone. Tim had lost his glasses back at the bushes, and he just huddled in the shadows next to me in near-blind terror. We stayed there in silence, waiting. Every so often, whenever I almost thought it was safe to come out, footsteps would creep across the wooden porch above us. Tim almost sneezed, once, but I covered his mouth and nose in stark fear.

We waited there so long that the tone of the sunlight began to change. We hadn’t heard the man searching about in awhile, and I was just getting ready to peek out, when footsteps clattered and a thud hit the wood directly above us. A split second later, Danny’s face appeared in front of us upside down, and he looked at us through the lattice. A look of shock and surprise crossed his features at finally finding us. He whispered something, but I couldn’t hear anything. He seemed to be saying “come closer,” so I figured the horrible man was still around and we had to be quiet, and I inched forward.

Danny’s features grew fearful, and he kept indicating something above us. Strangely, I still couldn’t hear him… his eyes seemed to dim then, and I inched forward a little bit more. I froze for a moment in horror, then backed up. Tim mouthed to me: “What did he say?” and I just shook my head, completely in shock. Danny hadn’t conveyed “come closer,” he had mimed “he’s up there.” The drifter was unknowingly sitting right above us, waiting, because he knew we had to be somewhere in that yard.

There was nothing to do but wait in silence, trying not to scream. I was glad Tim had lost his glasses. I lay there as darkness descended, waiting in unwavering terror and trying not to feel the glassy stare of Danny’s severed head as it rested in the grass a foot away.

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3 years ago

fake news

HanzoisGod avatar
4 years ago

poor danny…….. 🙁

The dark one
The dark one
5 years ago

Love this pasta! The ending lets you think what might of happened which is the best endings ever. In my opinion i think the disturbed man knew where they were hiding all along and is playing with his prey like a cat plays around with his catch

5 years ago

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francessoto avatar
5 years ago

oh i think its very difficult to say whom right or false

Lady Kathryn
Lady Kathryn
5 years ago

I love this, the confusion and the horror is enticing. I hope you continue.

Warriorcats101 avatar
5 years ago

omg this was sooo good!

Maolios avatar
6 years ago

This had me gritting my teeth at the start! You kinda lost me towards the end with the talking head. Was he saying “He’s up there,” before or after losing his head? Either way, good noms!

BubblyShip avatar
6 years ago

Wow, nice story! 4/5!

6 years ago

I really like it.

6 years ago

I appreciate this story because it accomplishes a great experience while remaining so short. Well done.

Valanth avatar
6 years ago

I love this, but I cant help but feel that its awfully familiar to me.
though considering the fact that I read a lot of creepy pasta and listen to narrators I’m sure someone’s decided to narrate this.

CommanderMeouch avatar
6 years ago

I had to re-read it, but honestly I liked it. Nice little surprise at the end, and the more I thought about being in that situation, the more goosebumps I got. I think a part 2 is in order.

DarkGear avatar
6 years ago

I actually liked this alot, I think to spite it being a short it is actually very well made 9/10

StephenKingFan12139 avatar

Freaky. I like the concept. I got a little confused in the middle, but the end really sealed it. very scary. 9/10

jaderain92516 avatar
6 years ago

I love how realistic this creepypasta was. Something that could actually happen. I’d definitely give it a 9/10. Awesome work! short and to the point. Loved it!

RabidWolf avatar
6 years ago

I have to disagree with the naysayers regarding the length of this piece. I once took part in a challenge to see who could write the best complete story using less that 750 words. Conciseness is something to be valued when writing, and when you can tell your story with such economy of words, you’ve got some talent going on there. I’m rating it 9/10.

6 years ago

Despite the other comments, I think this story was great and isn’t in need of a sequel. I will admit, I wish it was a bit longer, but the ending was great and-at least in my opinion-shouldn’t be messed with.

Firegod88 avatar
6 years ago

Wow that was good and genuinely creepy. Exceptional storytelling skills and writing ability

6 years ago

nice bravo