Right!

3.5 0
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2 min

A scream rang out. As I traced the auditory source of evident horror, I was led to my daughters room. I looked around quickly as I caught my breath from the reacting sprint, but nothing seemed out of place other than that tearing of a child under the bed. As I glimpsed at what might have caused any of this I noticed her new doll, limbs contorted, across the room.

Going over to the bed to console her, “Honey what’s wrong?”

Still sniffling, she managed to utter while shaking her finger towards the direction of the doll, “Its gonna hurt me!

I bent over to the doll causing her to turtle more under the bed and gave the doll a funny glimpse. It seemed to have a tidy set up, but the face gave an emotionless disheveled appearance. I walked over to the bed and got on all fours to reach my daughters face and held the doll next to me and gave it a shake

“See? Nothing’s wrong. It won’t hurt you honey. She just wants to play” I said with a grin, pulling my daughter out handing her back the doll in her shaking hands.

“Now be careful honey, and as for your friend, you wouldn’t hurt my precious girl, right?” I said jokingly and gave the dolls hair a rub.

“Right!” was the reply. My daughters lips never moved.

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FreekyPotato avatar
FreekyPotato
6 years ago

Stereotypical story, but nice ending twist.

Gritfoshiz avatar
Gritfoshiz
6 years ago

I like the story, but it’s not that original 7/10

PumpkinCorpse avatar
PumpkinCorpse
6 years ago

I enjoyed it

MillenniumLint333 avatar
MillenniumLint333
7 years ago

eh… its now bad, but I’ve seen better.

Eminems avatar
Eminems
7 years ago

i loved the story, i found it interesting and it defo gave the creep factor at the end. Keep up the good work!

Crystal07 avatar
Crystal07
7 years ago

It was rather simple. You could’ve tried to make it more twisted.

Nadir
Nadir
7 years ago

Meh it could be good but the whole thing is just so unoriginal

TheMadGamer avatar
TheMadGamer
8 years ago

She’s a VENTRILOQUIST!!!!!!!!!!!

ZeefaanQuraishi avatar
ZeefaanQuraishi
8 years ago

Good one

Melvinthesecond avatar
Melvinthesecond
8 years ago

nice trick ending I like it fits

N
nana
8 years ago

The overused idea didn’t work since tiny stories depend on twist or shock value. It would’ve been fine if it had been used in a longer story where the writer can show his originality in adding to the plot and other details. That’s just what I think, though.

CuttersLiveForever
CuttersLiveForever
8 years ago

Okay, the doll thing has been used so many times that it shouldn’t even be considered that creepy anymore and so in my opinion this story was plain stupid. Who would sit and read this one if they know there are creepier ones out there. Like really if it was longer it might have been creepier…

T
TealHotpink
8 years ago

I really didnt see that coming but…. i loved it but it could use a bit of lenght and more of a backstory like where they got it how long they had it if it was developing………. other-wise i LOVE it 9/10 4.5/5

PrettyLittlePsyco avatar
PrettyLittlePsyco
8 years ago

I really liked this because there was doll in it :3

MajesterELdesu
MajesterELdesu
8 years ago

Not bad, at least you hit the point of it being creepy

FatherDeath666 avatar
FatherDeath666
8 years ago

damn…so dissatisfying

jonnykro avatar
jonnykro
8 years ago

Kid must be a hell of a ventriloquist.

DD
DD
8 years ago

“As I traced the auditory source of evident horror”

“I caught my breath from the reacting sprint”

“of place other than that tearing of a child under the bed”

Who writes like this? You are not writing to impress. The style is horribly repulsive if anything.

DemelzaRequiem avatar
DemelzaRequiem
8 years ago

I like this story but I feel it would have benefited from additional plot and character development. Additionally, I feel that the “scary doll” trope is really overused at this point and the narrative could have been improved by adding additional new and creative elements.