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3 min read

Train Ride

Author since 2014 3Stories 0 Followers
Train Ride

It had been a long, tiring day at work. It was quiet as I waited alone for the train. It was a bit after midnight, and so dark that I could only see the square foot around me that the small light illuminated.

Fortunately, I wasn’t stuck waiting long for the train. Eagerly, I ran in the second the doors opened.

There were only two other men in the compartment, not unusual for this time of night. The place reeked of smoke from the older man huffing on a cigarette. He took another long drag of it and watched me as I came in and took my seat.

I sat and looked up at the other man, sitting across from the smoker. He was only about 5 seats away, but his face was hidden by his hood, so I had trouble making out his features. His eyes, though… I could see those clearly. One was normal, but the other was red, where it should be white. He stared shamelessly back at me, with a tight, almost pained expression. I smiled at him, trying to break the tension, but he just stared. I looked out the window, trying to ignore his gaze, but I could still feel his eyes on me.

The train lights began to flicker, and went out for a moment.

“Sorry, folks” said a voice over the static of the PA. “We’re gonna get maintenance on that in the morning. We apologize for any inconvenience.”

My stomach dropped, and I struggled to control my breathing. I reminded myself that there was no reason to be afraid of the dark, that I was a grown man, a tax-paying adult, who… Oh, thank God. The lights were back.

I hadn’t even realized my eyes were squeezed shut. Sighing, I opened them to see the man’s unsettling eye staring directly into mine, from only two seats away. Bewildered, I looked over at the older man, who hadn’t moved from his seat. He took another a drag from his cigarette and coughed, acting like nothing had happened.

The train rumbled down the tracks. I was afraid to look back at the red-eyed man. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to move, or even breathe. I tried to convince myself that the whole thing was in my mind. Maybe I was just tired from a long day of work. Maybe I was just paranoid, and he wasn’t even looking at me.

The lights flickered again, and went out.

I held my breath, waiting for the lights to come back. After a moment, they did. And he was in the seat next to me, his face only a few inches away from mine.

I leaned back.

“What the hell, man? What do you think you’re doing???”

He didn’t respond. Instead, the smoker angrily said “Look, kid. If ya wanted me to put out the cigarette ya just had ta ask nice, ok?”

“Not you, this asshole over here!”

The smoker stared at me for a second, confused. “It’s just me and youse, here, kid. Ya all right?”

The red-eyed man hadn’t moved or responded at all.

The lights went out again.

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Andrew
Andrew
3 years ago

You can listen to this on youtube

tenderlumpling avatar
tenderlumpling
6 years ago

really enjoyed this! would’ve loved a longer description of the carriage and man smoking but still loved! im scared to get later trains now!

Omfi avatar
Omfi
7 years ago

If Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory likes trains and we have no idea what he does at night, doesn’t that mean that he is the red eyed man?

Eminems avatar
Eminems
7 years ago

I love this pasta. Very delicious. What i would advise for later submissions is to add more detail into how he felt, to have more of an impact on the reader. I usually use a thesaurus. Overall i loved it. I rate it 4/5 stars!

DeYtHB avatar
DeYtHB
7 years ago

Creepypasta is the best place…

CreepsSirJoe avatar
CreepsSirJoe
7 years ago

Nice, now if we could just get the conclusion. * Hnt*

L
LadyLuctus
7 years ago

I came here from your Angel Eyes story (which I also really enjoyed). But gah! I literally shivered at the end of this one. Great work!

MidnightStalker360 avatar
MidnightStalker360
8 years ago

Good pasta but i agree with some of these people a little more paragraphs wouldve made it even better. So i give this a 8/10

S
Semicharmd1
8 years ago

Ok that creeped me out real good! Preys on my personal space issues…very good.

ashley_the_killer avatar
ashley_the_killer
8 years ago

I liked it I just wish u would have given more of a background to the guy with the red eye

KryssiPasta avatar
KryssiPasta
8 years ago

Loved this little tidbit 🙂

S
Shade_Kazugami_
8 years ago

I enjoy how the smoker was a decent character. $?%

C
Casiquire
8 years ago

Very nice! I have to agree about the ending, it took me two reads to understand it by which time the shock was gone. I’m having a difficult time pinpointing exactly why that would be. Anyway great overall, keep it up!

Phishisjammin avatar
Phishisjammin
8 years ago

All the details needed are here, fantastically written.

ParanoiaSeeker avatar
ParanoiaSeeker
9 years ago

That was awesome ^^ really fun short read. A little lengthier could have added some serious tension, maybe some more description on the surrounding or something? But overall nice sinister atmosphere. 8/10 good job.

Yemeth
Yemeth
9 years ago

And… Did he just keep moving 2 seats along the train, getting further away, each time the lights flickered?

AceofScares avatar
AceofScares
9 years ago

It took me a second to understand the ending. However, it is a nice short story and doesn’t drag on like many others.

Jessea2121 avatar
Jessea2121
9 years ago

I agree with dusty up here it couldve been longer

Dustyn916 avatar
Dustyn916
9 years ago

Could have been a few paragraphs longer, would be cool to see more of a backstory on the red eye, all in all though was a good read. 7/10 keep it up buddy.

Cream avatar
Cream
9 years ago

yay approved : D, really good pasta, I would rate it 9/11。