How I Met Blank Paige

By now you may have heard about Blank Paige, maybe even from my posts about her on r/creepypasta, if you have you’re probably wondering about how I met her, well I’ll tell you, It was a few years ago, but don’t let that give you the wrong idea about your odds if you meet her.

Paige started working at a local supermarket I frequent, she worked at the health and beauty counter sometime in early summer. I don’t remember the exact month, and I feel like she tends to have that affect on people. It took me several times passing by her before I noticed her total lack of facial features as anything unusual, and that in itself was bizarre. By contrast, I noticed her bright orange hair right away. I couldn’t tell you a single specific outfit she wore, only that everything she wore was oddly muted, from light greys and browns to washed out pastel colors.

What I remember most clearly is that every time I happened to talk to her it felt like she was being overtly flirtatious but I tried not to take it personally, since it seemed like she was flirting with literally everyone I overheard her talking to at the store. More than that, several of them seemed to take it personally, since they flirted back. I specifically recall one guy telling her she had beautiful eyes, and I couldn’t tell if he was joking or… what???

Anyways it was a few days later I was dining out at a local restaurant when I saw Paige on a date with a local woman. They were both having flank steaks, the local woman commented that her steak was chewy, Paige said that she thought hers was very tender and easy to chew. They traded steaks, which seemed to satisfy the woman. Paige didn’t seem to have any trouble eating the replacement steak. It was honestly a bit weird how the meat disappeared into her face, it seemed that her teeth cut through it and her lips closed around it, but there was no other visual indication of the depth of her mouth as compared to the rest of her face. It should come as no surprise that her nostrils are equally indistinct and her nose can only be distinguished in profile. I think that was the fist time I actually thought of the name Blank Paige. if you care what I ate that night it was a hamburger with cheese and bacon, since I judge any dining establishment by the way they make a cheeseburger with bacon, if they can’t get something that simple right I’m not interested in finding out how they mess up the rest of the menu. That particular restaurant passed the test, but I’ve only been back there one time, the time I went there with Blank Paige…

The day after the night I saw Paige out at a restaurant with a woman, I overheard the man who’d made the out of pocket compliment about Paige’s eyes brag to a friend of his that he’d “scored with the faceless ginger a few days ago.” I can’t think of who else he could be referring to besides Paige, oddly that didn’t effect my perception of her one way or the other at the time, but it somehow made me inexplicably cross with him… Just like a general disappointment in him for bragging so crassly, I didn’t really know him, so I figured it was none of my business how he wanted to chronicle his personal history to his friends, nor how loudly.

It was a few days later when I went to the health and beauty aisle of my local supermarket for a new tube of toothpaste. They were out of the toothpaste I prefer to use so I was standing there, staring at the toothpaste section and just none of what remained there looked at all appealing. The counter is right next to the toothpaste section, so at some point Paige noticed me and asked if she could help. I explained that my preferred toothpaste was completely out of stock, and I was having trouble picking an alternative from those present. She recommended one that was the same brand, but a radically different formula, activated charcoal instead of Himalayan salt, menthol instead of peppermint. I still can’t get used to the taste… but I still can’t find my preferred toothpaste anywhere. Anyway I have no idea how, but the conversation about the toothpaste somehow lead up to her asking me if I’d like to have dinner with her after her shift. She suggested the same place where I’d seen her out with that local woman a few days before, albeit she simply said the name of the place, but I have my reasons for being vague.

Dinner with Paige was honestly pleasant, in spite of a growing unease I was feeling about the awkwardness of the whole situation. I mean the fact that she had no facial features, and was a woman with what would be generally be accepted as a conventionally attractive body type who had asked me on a date and actually showed up, the latter being more anomalous than the former. But right then, in the moment, it felt nice just being there sharing an evening meal with someone. I ordered a ribeye steak and Paige ordered a cheeseburger with bacon, exactly like I’d ordered the time I’d been there before It did occur to me that Paige must have been watching me then even more carefully than I was watching her, either that or I was reading into it too much… at least that’s what I told myself…

We talked about ancient ruins, like the coincidental similarities between the Giza complex and Teotihuacán, the world grid, and megalithic measurements. Then Paige brought up Angkor Wat in Cambodia and how there’s allegedly a carving of a stegosaurus there. I know where she probably got the idea, but I couldn’t just go along with that, I pointed out that it looks much more like an armadillo with some rocks or termite mounds behind it, she seemed… nonplussed by the response, but not at all surprised. It was like she had drawn the same conclusion herself and decided to ignore it in favor of the more fun hypothesis endorsed on television. The conversation seemed more detached after that, it was almost as if a thread had snapped and the bit of common ground we’d had was enveloped by a yawning abyssal sinkhole.

After the date I accompanied her back to her condominium, where I wound up spending the night with her, suffice to say there wasn’t much sleeping involved, but even throughout the whole night it felt like each of us were just going through the motions and doing what the other expected. Technically I didn’t expect any of it, but that’s just because I tend to set my expectations low in the high hopes that they’ll be exceeded, so if I had had any, they certainly were. But that’s not what you’re here to hear about. That’s the funny thing about this culture, we don’t seek out pleasant experiences, we certainly don’t expect them, we’re trained to look for the worst in each other, to expect the worst to be true, even want the worst, because it would prove us right. In the morning I woke up while Paige was still half asleep. I bid farewell to her, she was trying to talk me into staying and letting her fix me a drink. Knowing what I know now I’m glad that I was able to decline so cordially, and that she didn’t insist more strongly. All in all, I can’t say for sure that she wasn’t intending to poison me that morning, something I had no logical reason to suspect at the time, I’m just not much of a drinker, especially in the morning, without coffee.

During my walk home I noticed a MISSING flyer. I recognized the face on the flyer as the woman I’d seen on a date with Blank Paige before. I didn’t full on assume immediately that Paige was behind her disappearance, but it definitely crossed my mind. After that I tried avoiding Paige, trying not to be overtly rude about it, I figured with how popular she seemed to be she’d forget all about me soon enough, and maybe she would have, maybe that would have been the end of it, but if it were, you wouldn’t be reading about it here.

It was just a few days after that when I decided to take a walk for no particular reason, and this is where impulse control would have been very helpful, but apparently I have none. For some reason I walked down the street that runs parallel to the one where Paige’s condo is. From an empty lot surrounded by a latilla fence I heard a man screaming bloody murder, followed by a sickening wet tearing thump. My eyes instantly darted to the source of the noise, in the middle of the empty lot two figures were illuminated by the pale moonlight, one was the guy I’d overheard giving Paige that compliment about how pretty here “eyes” were, a wood chopping axe buried in his neck, held by the other figure. Even from behind in the dim lighting I could tell it was her, Blank Paige I’d like to think I’d recognize that fiery orange hair anywhere now. With some effort she pulled the axe out and swung again, this time splitting open his sternum and covering herself in a rain of gore and viscera. I tried to quietly pass by as she continued hacking at her undoubtedly dead victim. unfortunately my third step landed on some loose particulates and Paige undoubtedly heard me, as she whirled around, axe in hand, and started toward me. Once she was a few feet from me she swung the bloody axe at me, I hopped backward, narrowly avoiding the slice of a lifetime, then as she raised the axe again I leapt forward and grabbed hold of it.

“Why couldn’t you just wait your turn?!” Paige asked, almost nonchalantly.

“I hate long lines.” I said, trying to wrestle the axe free from her grasp. finally I shook hard enough that she let go and tumbled down a slope outside the latilla fence, with that I turned and ran.

As she picked herself up she shouted after me, “You’re making this harder than it has to be!”

“Well I wouldn’t wanna make it any easier.” I hollered back. As I ran with the bloody axe long amorphous fibrils of gore spattered the surroundings.

Some blocks later, while crossing a bridge over a small river, I chose to toss the axe over the side, hoping its wooden handle would carry it downstream. No such luck, the head sank and the handle stuck up from the currents like some kind of macabre Excalibur. I didn’t spend much time reflecting on that, though, because Paige wasn’t slowing down any, but I was pretty much winded, even after relieving myself of the encumbrance of the axe.

“Why’d you do that?” Paige asked casually.

I was running out of one liners faster than I was running out of breath. “No deposit, no return.” I said, trying to will myself to run faster.

When Paige got to the river she jumped in after the axe, I kept running, and that was the last time I saw her for a while, but I’ve had to move towns a couple times since then. She keeps showing up, I’m sure she can tell she’s hot on my trail, fortunately I’ve managed to spot here before she manages to spot me… so far.