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2 min read

The Wonder of Tubers!

Author since 2015 1Story 0 Followers
The Wonder of Tubers!

Ever since I was young, everyone has commented on the fact that I look just like a giant potato. Strangely they’ve never considered the possibility that I am a giant potato.

I was born in an abandoned Thriftway just one mile from a local nuclear meltdown. My skin was spotted with deep wet holes, those were my wonderful ear-tubers. During that time I was quite content just listening, it was so peaceful, but then I sprouted my first eyetuber and saw how complex the world really was. I needed to explore it, but how? Limbless and round it seemed impossible. Fret not dear readers, for soon I would discover the miracle and majesty of tubers! With just three stout tubers I was easily able to roll myself out of that place and on towards adventure!

Much later I would encounter my first humans, a gang of children playing in some fields. I watched them, saw how they moved, propelling themselves on two legs and happily grabbing each other. When they left I felt so alone. I wanted to do what they did, and soon I could. Once again with the magic of tubers I sprouted two thick appendages for legs and two long squishy ones for arms. I stood 7’5 and I was glorious.

When the children returned to play I was ready to join in. They sure were surprised to see me! I chased them through the fields for hours, they cried and screamed and I listened so carefully and soon I was crying and screaming right along with them! We taught each other so much that day. They taught me the importance of companionship in this cold, cold world and I taught them how to grow those wonderful tubers. On their hands, their feet, even their eyeballs. Big gushing boney tubers!

They’re still out there, playing with their tubers. They’ve gotten so good at it that they barely look human anymore! All they’ve bothered keeping is their screaming holes which they exercise constantly. I always scream back as a courtesy.

So whenever I meet a human in some secluded place and they offer that same ol’ comment in that same trembling voice that humans just seem to have. Why I just stretch my massive screaming hole as wide as I can and whisper, “…tubers…”

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Ali avatar
1 month ago


AaronPen avatar
6 years ago

It was interesting and I liked the perspective. I also liked how you incorporated the point with a short story. Good Job.

6 years ago

and ya’ll.. tubers? you dont know ?? even you with the potato name?!

they are EYES?? is that better known? potatoes grow sprouts out of rheir bods.

6 years ago

LAWL what in the helllll did i just read???
either way.. i loved it.. and i feel bad for that naive little potate.

Omfi avatar
7 years ago


duruzu avatar
7 years ago

Bizarre and creepy! I shivered..

iMeloyNyan avatar
7 years ago


DemonicSlate avatar
7 years ago

Totally tubular bro

7 years ago

that first sentance made me laugh so hard keep up the good work

Blu3Bl00d3dTr0ll2 avatar
8 years ago

I’m so confused as to what this is supposed to be. It’s not horrible, but, to me, it’s not 100% either. I don’t really understand how this is “scary” or “creepy”. I honestly thought it was more cute than anything! But that’s just me, I’m most likely the only one to think of this story like that.

Other than that! I’m going to give it two enthusiastic thumbs up!!

YourWorstNightmare avatar
8 years ago


8 years ago

kryssipasta im never going to know what a tuber is

8 years ago

3/10 so many questions ???????????????????????????????

KryssiPasta avatar
8 years ago

So hey, Vegetarians. WHATCHA THINK NOW?! In other news, children everywhere now refusing to eat baked potatoes.

I liked it, the happy-go-lucky evil potato was creepy to me 🙂

thatcreepytrainer avatar
8 years ago

that was excellent
here is a spider for your story
/╲/\〳 ᴼᴼ ౪ ᴼᴼ 〵/\╱\

8 years ago

not very creepy but still a good story

TheStateOfMind avatar
8 years ago

[spoiler]Hey lil mama lemmewhisper in your ear, I got a lil something you might like to hear…..TUBERS!![/spoiler]

danij avatar
8 years ago

Not so creepy as it is strange!
I can’t get past a potato growing tubers.

8 years ago

What they fuck is a tuber? I don’t understand this one. Someone please elaborate?

InsanitySmirk avatar
8 years ago

When I started reading I knew it was going to be wild from start to finish, I didn’t expect it to end that… creepily. I love this story, you did very well at writing this, nothing I could give you advice on, it was perfect.